One of my most endearing memories is Christmas Eve at Granny’s house. Big family. Small house. Lots of people. One bathroom. A smorgasbord of food. Not enough places to sit. It was loud and chaotic. But there was always that one instance – that one time during the evening when everyone would get quiet. It was the moment everyone crowded around the Christmas tree. Granny would sit on the floor in front of the tree with all the grandkids and great grandkids sitting right in front of her. And Granny would tell the Christmas story.

What a treasured moment. All talking ceased. The inhaling of food was halted. Rules for personal space were broken as everyone crowded in to listen to the Christmas story. Priceless.

Now, all hell broke loose after the telling of the Christmas story.  Packages were distributed. Everyone began to rip into them. Wrapping paper went flying everywhere. But for those few minutes of time, it was all about the Christmas story.

I was three months old my first Christmas. I’m sure that was the first time I heard the Christmas story at Granny’s house. And I’ve heard it every year since then. And here’s what I’ve discovered. The story never changes. But God speaks through it in new and fresh ways every time I hear it. Same story. Different message.

This year, studying through the Christmas story, the questions in the narrative stuck out at me:
Zechariah asks, “How will I know?”
Mary’s response to the angel is “How can this be?”
Elizabeth visits Mary and exclaims, “Why has this happened to me?”
The crowd at John’s dedication want to know, “What will this child become?”
And the wise men inquire, “Where is the child?”
Questions that I have certainly asked from time to time. And I’m guessing they are questions you may be familiar with as well?

I encourage you this Christmas season to read through the Christmas story. It may be your first time  to hear it or you could be studying it for the 100th time. Either way, God has something for you!  Same story. Different message. Take advantage of those moments. Steal some time away from the noise and chaos. Break the rules. Sit in front of the tree and hear the Christmas story. Priceless.

Is that you? Your idea of Christmas cheer is “Bah Humbug.” You can’t think of anything worse than putting up the Christmas tree – until you remember you have to hang the outside lights. The incessant repetition of the same music from November onwards leaves you banging your head against the wall. You have never and will never wish for a white Christmas. You would rather eat your fingers than fight the crowds out shopping. You’ve stooped to desperate levels of creativity with your reasons for skipping social gatherings, parties and family get togethers.

Do you know anyone like that? Pick me, pick me! But you’re a pastor. Yes. And I’m a bit of a grinch. And I have a little scrooge in me. And I can be a bit on the curmudgeon side. Just a few days ago while helping to assemble the huge Christmas tree that goes in the church lobby I had a great idea. Next year, our message series will be “A Charlie Brown Christmas” and the tree in the lobby can be a Charlie Brown Christmas tree – much easier and less time consuming to assemble. I’m brilliant!

And I’m afraid I’ve turned my sons into little grinches. Now that they are teenagers and get to get in on all the fun of assembling the tree and putting lights up on the outside of the house they’ve turned a little sour this time of year. All three of us begged Amy to not get too carried away with all the Christmas decorating hoopla. Do we really need a big tree up? Do we really need lights on the outside of the house? But, you know what they say – when momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. So, this weekend I found myself in Hobby Lobby with every other human being within a 200 mile radius. And, if you drive down our street at night you will see our house shining brightly. Why? Because momma wanted it to. And even more so, because I love her.

Isn’t that what Christmas is all about? God sent His only Son because He loves us. Jesus humbly came into this world – born in a manger – because He loves us. Jesus went to the cross because He loves us. He rose from the dead because He loves us. God sent His Holy Spirit because He loves us. And the Holy Spirit guides us to love others.

So for all of you fellow, grinches, scrooges, and Christmas curmudgeons, let us love this Christmas season. Put up the tree, the house lights and the lawn ornaments because of the kids, spouse or neighbors who love them. Just get all Griswoldish with it! Let us shop for the perfect gifts to give to those we love. And when we are out shopping with all of the crazy people, let us think about the poor person working in retail who has been griped at, insulted and called bad names and show him or her a little love. When we hear that Christmas carol for the 200th time in 20 different renditions, let us remember the love it sings of.  When it comes to those Christmas parties, social events and family gatherings, let us go with the attitude of loving others – even the ones that are the toughest to love.

Isn’t that what Christmas is all about? Isn’t that what Jesus did for us? Even the grinches, Scrooges and curmudgeons that are the toughest to love?!

 

Which statement best characterizes your approach to conflict?

1. I avoid it at all costs
2. I can face it, but I don’t like it
3. A good argument every once in a while clears the air
4. I do conflict recreationally

Whether you avoid conflict like a plague or choose to argue with others for fun, disagreement is unavoidable. There is no greater challenge in building relationships than to master the art of handling conflict. Dealing with conflict always involves a series of choices. With each choice, our natural inclination is to handle the conflict in a destructive manner. But Jesus gave us a clear set of instructions to help us fight right!

If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and

him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. Matthew 18:15

Acknowledge the Conflict

Jesus said, “If your brother sins against you.” He could have said, “When your brother sins against you.” To be alive means to be in conflict. People fight. Husbands and wives do. Parents and children do to. Co-workers do. Friends do. And yes, church people do to. In fact, we see several examples of conflict in the Bible. The first step in learning to handle conflict is to acknowledge that it’s going to happen.

Go

Next, Jesus commands us to “go.” After acknowledging the conflict, we must make a conscious decision to settle it. Conflict is not the problem – unresolved conflict is the problem. We can’t ignore it. We can’t wish it away. We can’t be fooled into thinking it will magically disappear. Go deal with it!

To the Person

Jesus makes it plain we are to go and “tell him.” And that it should be “between you and him alone.” Go directly to the person. Don’t vent to others. Don’t gossip. Don’t air out your grievances on Facebook. To slander another human being, to talk about someone we have not even confronted and to share it with the entire social media world – these are direct violations of Jesus’ fundamental command. In the next verse, Jesus gives further instruction for brining others into the conflict if that becomes necessary but initially we are charged to go directly to the person we are in conflict with.

Be Direct

Jesus says to “tell him his fault.” Don’t tiptoe around the issue. Don’t beat around the bush. By all means, use sensitivity. But state the complaint directly. And don’t get historical. If there is a temptation to bring up past conflicts, it means those issues were never resolved in the first place.

Reconcile

The goal of all conflict is to reconcile with the one we are in conflict with and to “gain our brother.” The goal is not to prove our point, to be right or to score points. The goals is always to restore the relationship.

Relationships are worth fighting for. Let’s fight right!

 

 

The group of 3 football players hesitantly approached the boy who was sitting in a corner of the middle school cafeteria all by himself. They asked if they could sit with him and barely lifting his face from his lunch and his phone he indicated with the shaking of his head he would rather they didn’t. So, they walked away but quickly gathered themselves and remembered the words of their coach.

The entire middle school had been awarded “free lunch seating” as a reward for the victorious defeat of their two biggest rivals in boys’ football and girls’ volleyball. This was a welcome respite from the usual “sit in the next available seat regardless of who else is sitting at the same table” lunchroom routine. The football coach had called the team aside and told them he was glad to award them with free seating but the thing he didn’t like about it was that some kids ended up eating lunch alone.  So, he strongly encouraged the team to make sure no kid ended up eating by themselves or their might be some repercussions during football practice.  Needless to say, the boys were determined to make sure no one ended up eating alone. They divided up into groups of three to four and spread out across the cafeteria sitting with those who had isolated themselves from their peers.

Recalling their coach’s motivational speech, the group returned to the boy who was eating by himself in the corner of the lunchroom and invited themselves to sit with him. The boy had his head buried in his lunch and phone and with intimidation wouldn’t give the football players much attention. The group tried to make small talk – the only things they knew to have conversation about – football, school, and even the weather. Their small talk didn’t get far until, finally, noticing that the boy would not remove his gaze from his phone, one of the football players asked him if he played Clash Royale. The boy’s head suddenly popped up, his countenance changed, a smile broke out across his face and he exclaimed, “Yes!” And with that all the boys pulled out their phones and began a new friendship based on something they all had in common.

As Jeb was telling his mom and I the story that evening, we couldn’t help but have a proud parent moment. We asked what prompted him to ask his new friend if he played Clash Royale. His response was he could just tell by the way he was playing with his phone that was something they might have in common.

It was a great lesson for Jeb, his mom and I and for all of us – the secret to new relationships is to find common ground. The foundation for all healthy relationships is to find common ground. It doesn’t matter if our interest is in sports or academics – we can find common ground. It doesn’t matter if our skin is white or black – we can find common ground. It doesn’t matter if we vote red or blue – we can find common ground. It doesn’t matter if the family feud is new or as old as the family – we can find common ground.

Where do you need to find common ground today? If it can be found in a middle school cafeteria, certainly we can find it anywhere.

 

What are you afraid of? Spiders? Snakes? Close spaces? Speaking in public? Clowns (sorry that right now is not a good time for you)? We are all born with certain innate fears. For me, it’s heights and water. I don’t like being up any higher than a six foot ladder and I don’t want to be in water where I can’t see the bottom or land anywhere around. So put me in a high place over water and I’m done!

We all have fears that are deeper than those innate ones. What is it that produces enough anxiety and worry you have trouble sleeping? Where is it that fear paralyzes you or causes you to make irrational decisions? For many, it’s the fear of failing or not being good enough. For others it’s being rejected or abandoned and left all alone. It could be the fear of addiction or of losing one’s sobriety. Maybe it’s a fear about your marriage, your children, or your health. And I think all of us have a fear about the direction our country is headed and the upcoming election.

Do you know what the single most common command in all of the Bible is? You guessed it, “Do not fear.” Some say the command shows up 365 times –  one for every day of the year!  But ironically, the Bible also tells us to fear. That’s right, over and over it tells us to “fear God.” What exactly does that mean? Are we supposed to be afraid of God?

Think of it this way. What is the opposite of fear? Your initial response might be “courage.” If someone has a fear of spiders, put them in a room full of them until they muster up enough courage to overcome the fear. Right? Wrong! The opposite of fear is not courage – it’s TRUST. You see, it’s not the heights that are the problem. Is that I don’t trust whatever it is that is keeping me up at that height from letting me fall to the ground below. To fear God means to trust Him. And that fear is absolutely necessary because without trust in God we will never be able to overcome any other fear in our life.

So, how do we grow in our trust with God? I’m glad you asked! Two things:

– Know Him (Deuteronomy 6:5-9)

It’s hard to trust someone you don’t know. You’ve got to get to know God in order to trust Him. Spend time in the Bible. Search through it and find promises that speak directly to your fear. Pray. Grow in Him in groups with others. Have conversations with others about how they trust in God. Just get to know God better.

– Remember How Good He Is (Deuteronomy 6:20-23)

Your trust in God grows when you can remember how faithful He has been in your life. Even in the worst of times, you can appreciate God’s goodness. Take some time to make a list on a piece of paper of how God has demonstrated His goodness to you and how how faithful He has been to you. Do it today and I guarantee you will have a greater trust in God.

When my boys were learning how to swim, I would get in the pool with them (in the shallow end of course) and they would jump off the side of the pool into my arms.  They would be tentative at first and so I would stand close to the edge of the pool and gently encourage them. They would jump and I would catch them and then they would hustle back to the edge of the pool to do it again. And this time I would step back a little so they had to jump further out. They would again be a little tentative and would beg me to move closer but I would encourage them and they would eventually jump into my arms that were waiting to catch them. And they would do this over and over with me taking a small step farther out each time.  Why? Because they trusted me. They knew me and realized that even though their tentativeness grew a little each time, I hadn’t let them down before so certainly I would catch them again. And I did. And that’s exactly what God does for us.

Fear is absolutely necessary. Trust God. Get to know Him more and remember how good and faithful He has been to you!

It is the Lord your God you shall fear. Deuteronomy 6:13

Life has a great way of teaching us some very valuable lessons. For example, I learned at a young age that it’s not a good idea to feed a turtle out of your hand.  At a dumb age, I learned that it’s never a good idea (regardless of how large the dare) to pee on a hot wire fence.  I learned the fascinating way that you shouldn’t put aluminum foil in the microwave.  After I became a parent, I learned it’s not prudent to say “my kids will never do that” before you become a parent. And as a parent, I’ve learned that you should never tell your children things you don’t want other people to know.

Perhaps one of life’s great lessons that I’m currently learning is that it’s not necessarily as much about the destination as it it about the journey. In other words, it’s not just about where I want to be but the process of getting there and that the lessons learned along the journey are some of the most important to be learned. Honestly, the past three to six months have been a tough stretch for me. I want to be – THERE. But I’m – HERE. Have you ever been – THERE? I mean – HERE?

I’ve been reading through the story of how God’s people wandered in the wilderness for 40 years. A journey that should have only taken 11 days ended up taking 40 years. God please don’t make this journey I’m on last 40 years! I’ll take 11 days. Please and thank you! But what I’m discovering is that there were many valuable lessons that God taught them along the journey. It wasn’t as much about the destination as it was about the journey.

So, how do we make the most of the journey? Here’s some of what I’ve been learning:

Have a Picture of Where You Are Headed

God’s people were headed to the Promised Land. We are told multiple times in the story that it was a land flowing with milk and honey which literally means it was gushing with good things. They had been slaves in Egypt and they were now wandering in the wilderness but there was something much greater ahead – a land that was gushing with good things. Where is your promised land? What visions do you have? What dreams do you have? What goals do you have? It starts with a picture of where you are headed.

Stay Focused on Where You Are Headed

There were multiple times along the way God’s people lost sight of where they were headed. In fact, they often begged to return to Egypt. When they got hungry and thirsty in the wilderness they began to long for the good ole’ days when they had plenty to eat and drink back in Egypt. The problem was that the good ole’ days weren’t that good. They were slaves for crying out loud. But their present situation urged them to long for their previous situation and they lost sight of the promised land. Has that ever happened to you?

The next time you get in your car to drive somewhere, think about this (hopefully you are not driving while reading this!): Where do you spend the majority of your time looking while you are driving? Through the windshield or through the rear-view mirror? Of course you focus more on what’s ahead of you than what’s behind you! You occasionally glance in the rear-view mirror but you spend the majority of the time looking through the windshield. In the same way, it’s healthy to occasionally glance back at our past – it shapes us and is responsible for getting us to where we are. But it doesn’t have to determine where we are headed. We have to stay focused on what’s in front of us.

Pay Attention to the Landmarks Along the Way

Over 40 years of wandering in the wilderness, God sure did some incredible things. I mean, His people crossed through the Red Sea on dry land with the walls of the sea towering on either side of them. When they complained of being hungry, God brought them quail and rained bread down from heaven. When they were thirsty, they got water from a rock. They were lead by a cloud during the day which turned into a ball of fire at night – God’s literal presence. Those are some pretty amazing landmarks wouldn’t you say?

But I have to wonder if they missed it? I mean, the first few days you wake up with bread covering the ground has to be pretty awesome, right? But how many days did it take for it to just become the norm? Knowing that God’s literal presence is right outside your tent in a visible cloud and fire would be amazing, right? But at what point did it just become an expectation?

I have to wonder if I miss it at times? Where along the journey is God showing up and I miss Him? Where is He trying to teach me valuable lessons and I’m oblivious to them? Where is God working in your life right now – not in the destination but along the journey?

 

So whether our journey is 40 years or 11 days, may we have a picture of where we are headed, stay focused on that picture, and pay attention to the landmarks along the way!

I’ve been following the news this week as Matthew, a Category 4 hurricane, has taken aim at Haiti, Cuba and the Bahamas in the Caribbean and now threatens to barrel toward the coast of Florida and the entire eastern seaboard. I have watched and prayed with particular interest as it targeted Haiti, the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. Amy and I have been in Haiti on the southern half of the island where Matthew, the most powerful Atlantic hurricane in years, hit first.  As I see pictures of the damage left behind – the flooded landscape, the obliteration of the shacks that most people live in, and other buildings with rooftops that have been swept away – I have some sense of the devastation because of my time spent there.

I have been tuned into first hand updates courtesy of New Missions (www.newmissions.org) stationed in Haiti. Reports from New Missions indicated that some Haitians did not even know the storm was coming or how powerful the storm would be. It’s not like the United States where warnings give us ample time to batten down the hatches, stock up on supplies, or just get out of town. Those that did have warning, such as the ones New Missions works with, sought out safer ground and better shelter but are still left reeling with flooded rivers, wiped out roads, and devastated farmlands.  But others had nowhere to go.  They literally had to watch their shacks blow apart, gather up their kids in their arms and sit there fully exposed while the wind and rain pelted down on them and flood waters began to rise all around them.  Mercy.

New Missions has had a presence in Haiti for over 30 years under the banner “Hope in God.” They have built churches, schools and medical clinics providing children and their families with education, food and medical care so that they can grow strong and make an impact in a hopeless place. New Missions was there during the earthquake of 2010 – one of the worst humanitarian crisis in recent history – bringing hope in God. And they are there today after this most recent crisis continuing to bring hope in God.

We all confront storms in life from time to time. Some come without warning while we see others approaching from a mile away. Some are small and last only a little while and others are large and linger like unexpected house guests. Often times we can seek a safe escape but sometimes the only thing we can do is hunker down and ride it out.  But the one thing we can do in any storm is hold on to our hope.

I encourage you to be praying for all those in Haiti, Cuba, the Bahamas and along the eastern seaboard who are affected by Hurricane Matthew. Be praying that they would discover hope in God. I also encourage you to be praying for any of those around you who are going through a storm right now. Pray that they would find hope in God. And if it is you who is in the middle of the storm – hold on to that hope!

I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out – plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. Jeremiah 29:11 (The Message)

Do you know someone who is constantly complaining? A family member who is perpetually whining? That friend who invades your personal space with a constant stream of personal problems and negativity.  The co-worker who is ceaselessly griping about their health, family, relationships, work, church and the topic of the day? That one person who’s only happy when they are more miserable than everyone else around them?

Is that someone you?

That someone is me.

My Monday morning started out with an upsetting text message about a subcontractor who is a big part of the remodel we are doing at the church.  That was the beginning of the whiny day parade as I grumbled about the subcontractor. Then I whined about the wait in the drive through for my coffee. I complained about the Facebook updates I was scrolling through. Whatever was said in the office, I had a negative comment. I grumbled because it was Monday. I even complained about other people complaining. At one point I headed down the hallway to the bathroom only to realize it was out of order. I whined about having to walk downstairs and a few extra steps to another bathroom. And of course, I was justified in every complaint and dispute. It was somebody else’s fault and I was the victim!

Later that day I stumbled upon these words:

Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world… Philippians 2:14-15

Uh, oh. It was staring back at me like my face in the mirror. I had become the very thing I have a dislike for. I mean, I know a thing or two about grumblers, complainers and whiners – I’m a pastor! The grumbling lands in my inbox. The complaints get mailed to me. The whining happens in conversation on Sunday mornings. And now the mirror was telling me I had become an Eeyore among Eeyore’s. In fact, I was the chief Eeyore! I wasn’t a shining light but instead was being a dim witness. How can I lead others to use their words to bless and build up when I myself was using my words to discourage and tear down?  It was like I was hearing God say, “Just stop the whining already!”

So for the next thirty minutes I sat with a notepad in front of me writing down everything I could come up with that I was thankful for.  Instead of focusing on the things that I wanted to continue to grumble and complain about I chose to give thanks. From the chief whiner to any others…it works! Try it!

Forgive me God for my complaining spirit. Allow me to just stop the whining already. Empower me with your Spirit to use my speech to bless and to build up and not to tear down or discourage. Allow me to constantly be reminded of those things for which I should be giving thanks. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

 

Things break. Toys do. Dishes do to. Cars are famous for it. Promises are broken. And who hasn’t had a broken heart? Phones break. Sunglasses break. Teeth can break. And bones break, too – just ask our son, Jeb.

Two weeks ago he broke both bones in his arm near the wrist while playing a football game – his first game of the season. It was obviously broken by looking at it. The x-rays confirmed it. And the ER doctor tried to fix it.  He did a good job but it wasn’t aligned quiet right so a day later he was in the operating room having it lined up just perfectly and a pin put in to hold it in place.  A cast was put on and we wait for it to heal.  Four more weeks in the cast they say. Then a few weeks for rehab to regain the range of motion and strength he will lose while in the cast.

But for now we…wait.

We humans break easily. And I’m not talking simply about bones. Everyone — everyone — is broken. There is not a human on this earth who has not hurt, who is not damaged, or is not in pain. We are not all broken in the same way, of course, but we are all broken. We hold up perfect pictures of what our life is supposed to be like but the real pictures are anything but. Our lives are a mixture of sin and grace. Of brokenness and redemption. And in every hurt, in every habit and in every hang-up, God is healing. We are all broken but we are also all healing.

But for now we…wait…and God heals.

Waiting is the hardest part of the healing process. Whether it’s a bone, a heart, or our spirit. With any hurt, habit or hang-up. With any rejection, loss, or crisis. Healing doesn’t usually take place immediately. It’s a process. A journey. A passage. And we wait. We wait for the perfect healing.

So Jeb is now seeing the physician more than he is used to. We spent time with the ER doctor. The orthopedic doctor did surgery. Just this week we had an appointment with the same doctor. More x-rays were taken. The cast was changed out. We have to go back to the doctor in two weeks where the same thing will be done again. When a bone is healing, we must stay close to the physician. Why would it be any different with our heart or spirit? With our hurt and grief? Our brokenness and shame? Stay close to the Great Physician.

We know in time Jeb’s arm will be completely healed.

But for now…we wait…and keep our doctor’s appointments.

We know in time God heals all our brokenness.

But for now…we wait…and we grow a little closer to the Great Physician.

 

This Monday morning, I was sitting on our patio complaining to God. This seems to be a frequent habit.  Sometimes, things can get a little stressful.  Marriage, kids, friends, work – just life. It can all get overwhelming on some days. Sunday had not been a great day for me and I was venting to God. I remember telling God that I just needed someone to acknowledge that what I was doing is making a difference. As soon as I got up from my moaning session and walked back into the house I heard the ding.  It was the familiar alert notifying me someone had sent a Facebook message.  I opened the app to one of the most encouraging notes I have received in a while. Thank you, God! And thank you to the messenger who had no idea that was exactly what I needed. It made my day!

…encourage one another and build one another up…

1 Thessalonians 5:11

Yesterday, Amy was shopping in Target. She kept noticing this one gentleman in the Men’s Department.  He kept inspecting this one particular pair of pants.  He would look them over and then walk away.  He would come back, take them off the rack and then put them back on the rack. Amy could tell that he was needing this pair of pants but for whatever reason was hesitant to buy them.  Amy continued to shop and as she finished and made her way to the checkout line she noticed that this same gentleman was standing right in front of her in the line with those pants in hand.  As he laid them up on the register and began to check out, Amy felt a strong nudge to pay for the pants.  She said to the gentleman, “I want to buy these pants for you.” Awkward! The gentleman didn’t really know what to say so he just stared at Amy with a spellbound expression.  The checker then blurted out, “Dude, let her buy the pants for you!” A hush fell over the check-out line as Amy paid for the gentleman’s pants. He walked out of the store and Amy then proceeded to check her purchases out.  As Amy walked out of Target, the gentleman whose pants she had just purchased was standing outside the store weeping.  Amy gently patted his shoulder and said, “God told me to do that. Have a good day!” And she walked off.  No doubt she made his day!

Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have…

Hebrews 13:16

 Whose day can you make today? What small word can you offer? What email can you send? What note can you deliver? What hug can you give away? What purchase can you make? Whose day can you make?

Ryan

P.S. Amy doesn’t know I’m telling this story but she will read it at some point today. Can you make my day by encouraging her not to hurt me?! 🙂